Sunday, June 19, 2005

Thoughts on getting older....

So I was reading a forum today and came across an old thread on "what age do you see yourself marrying at (if at all)" and read an answer I gave responding to a couple of other posters who wrote:

QUOTE 1: If the person you are contemplating marrying is perfect for you now,then DON'T get married. The only thing you can be absolutely sure of is, that person will not be the same 20 years from now, and neither will you. You will end up wondering happened to perfection. If you are the type of person who doesn't adjust easily,then don't marry,and don't marry someone who doesn't adjust easily.

QUOTE 2: I like to believe that people generally become better persons as they age, and that if a marriage collapses later on, it's from a lack of foresight (or insight) in the early stages of the relationship.

My response:
I still like that movie quote that said something like "we both fell out of love with each other at various points, just neither of us at the same time" Although it is probably happiest when both people are working together, sometimes it's just a matter of faith and belief in the relationship to survive. I don't think you can ever forsee the future or fully prepare for every situation, but you can choose someone that is going to believe in your relationship as much as you do. And hopefully when hard times come or when one of you lacks faith, the other person is strong enough to carry on believing and the dynamic of your relationship allows the relationship to continue on.

I added my newest thought (which is most likely influenced by the birthday I just had)

I've tried on enough pair of pants that I don't believe in the perfect fit. I do believe in the flattering fit, the comfortable fit, the adjustable fit (it works with a few alterations or a belt), the fit that was perfect 3 years ago but isn't so much right now, the pair that are just so wild and crazy and fun that it doesn't matter how they fit, and the favorite pair that may not fit perfect but are just amazing anyhow.

I've also learned that when you finally find a pair that you think fit well and try to memorize all of the descriptors that make them fit well and try to find more the same size and style, none of the ones you find (if any) will fit the same. And even the pairs that I've loved have, over time, had to be re-stiched along certain seams, patched up in places or adjusted to fit a changing figure.

I always figured I would marry in my mid twenties. I'm past that now. I wouldn't say I'm looking for "the perfect fit"--I'm looking for the Right fit.


The Stitchin' Sheep said...

I like your thoughts on marriage. My thought when reading those first sections written by others is that they don't seem to understand that, although people do change, if a relationship is stable and kept that way, the two people can change in complementary ways. So, that perfect person at the beginning of a marriage can change and still be the perfect person later in the marriage.

Valerie said...

I agree. I think it might be a matter of not looking at someone as "perfect" as if it were a job or career choice that one might grow out of or advance beyond.

Even though styles may change, and my figure might get bigger and smaller, my basic body-shape will still be there, and a flattering cut will always flatter. It's more about the pattern than the product; in the same way it's more about the qualities, virtues, and characteristics inherent in a person than the things that are most subject to change over time.